Sunday, April 12, 2009

Brand new poem, what do you think?

Sorry, I think my conscience must%26#039;ve got lost on the way,


maybe it decided to call in sick today.


Whipe the blood on my jeans, paste on a smile,


I hope I can keep going for one last mile.


I won the battle, but he lost the fight


A siren starts sounding to my right.


Grip the wheel a little tighter, my knuckles red,


repeat the very last words that he said.


%26quot;At home I%26#039;ve got children, a daughter and wife.


My lily of the valley, the love of my life.


You%26#039;ve gotta know how I feel, with a brood of your own,%26quot;


But I shook my head, said %26quot;I live all alone%26quot;.


%26quot;Every night I lay down, and cry silver tears,


I killed my wife and kids, its been so many years.%26quot;


He didn%26#039;t beg for his life, but he didn%26#039;t ask for more,


so i pulled over the car, and opened the door.


He may be in bad shape, but he%26#039;ll come home tonight,


he%26#039;s gotta be there, to kiss his kid, and turn out the light.


He%26#039;ll curl up in bed, his heartbeat so weak,


but he%26#039;ll curl up with his wife, lay a kiss on her cheek.


Ending:

Brand new poem, what do you think?
What made you write this? How did it come to you? THe writing and style is done well but it doesn%26#039;t make much sense you being 13...and stuff...i%26#039;m thinking maybesomething is not going so well in your life?
Reply:this is a really deep poem. i really like it. it so sad though. sad that he killed his wife and kids. why did he kill he family. when you say that he was going to curl up next to his family does that mean he%26#039;s dead or dying? good poem.
Reply:That%26#039;s really awesome! And I liked the ending. You should keep writing poetry...it%26#039;s good stuff.
Reply:Do ya always write stuff like the dead, blood, war-related stuff?





i like the writing, very good! but wuts goin on on ur life?





but anyway, u should really keep writin poetry. u write really good, and u dont make mistakes. maybe u could be a writer one day ;)
Reply:wow. it%26#039;s a very good poem.



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